A dream about Gma

I lost my grandma Packard in 2018. She is such an amazing person. It was not a huge surprise that she had passed, because she had been struggling for years. Some years back she had fallen down and broken her neck and the doctors thought she might not survive, but she had and we all felt it was a huge blessing and a miracle that we had the last few years of her life with us.

I cannot remember the last time I spoke to her, and I felt a certain melancholy because I never was really able to say goodbye.

A few months after she passed, I had a dream: I was walking into the backyard at grandmas house. I heard the gate latch shut behind me. I then entered into her back porch and heard her alarm system say "back door" in some mechanical female accented voice. I saw grandpa's mountain dew on the floor by the back door and then entered into the kitchen.

Walking into her kitchen was like receiving a warm embrace. The kitchen was warm and the smell of fresh pulla bread filled the air. I could see some bread on cooling racks on her counter. If I had to describe the feeling in that kitchen with one word, it would be: Love.

And there she was in her chair, reaching over to the side table to turn off the T.V. I stooped to give her a hug in her chair and I squatted down and looked her in the face. It was her. She was really here. She had her rings on her crooked fingers.

She smiled at me and asked me how I was. I let her know that my family was doing really well. She continued smiling at me and patted me on my arm. I told her I missed her and she let me know she missed me too. But she also let me know she was very happy. She then turned away from me and I turned and looked around the kitchen. I was staring at the bread and the Finnish cook book on the counter, when I heard her ask from behind me. "Where is your sister?" I was more interested in looking at the details in her kitchen (specifically wondering if she had cookies in her little house cookie jar) than in answering her question. I heard her again "Jake, where is your sister?" I felt her hand slip around my arm and turn me around. I finally answered her question "I don't know Grandma." She looked me right in the yes and said "Don't you think you should find out?"

I knew in that moment who she was talking about and why. In my dream I remember feeling a little jealous or weird that my special visit with Grandma was not about me. That feeling evaporated quickly like the dew in the morning sun. The feeling of love was so strong that I had to recognize I should be my sisters keeper and know where she was.

I looked back at Grandma and she stood up without hesitation and it was like I was watching the years melt off of her. She reached out with fingers that were no longer crooked and like she always did, put her hands on my cheeks and looked me in my eyes and said "I love you Jake, until we meet again, goodbye."

I woke up with the smell of pulla bread still in my nose, and the feeling of my grandma's hands on my face. I knew I had just received a special gift. One that I will always treasure.